


looking for love in the trash

by idkimoutofideas



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Episode Tag: s03e18 What's Next?, Evan "Buck" Buckley Deserves Better, Gen, mentions of the train crash, well technically takes place in the middle
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-14
Updated: 2021-03-14
Packaged: 2021-03-22 20:41:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 888
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30044454
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idkimoutofideas/pseuds/idkimoutofideas
Summary: Abby:Can we talk?Buck stared blankly at the phone in his hands, unable to absorb the message that lit up the screen. He’d waited so long for a message like this from her, and to get it now… the universe was mocking him.When the team gets back to the firehouse after the train crash, Eddie talks to Buck about some things that were said on the train.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley & Bobby Nash, implied Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz, past Evan "Buck" Buckley/Abby Clark - Relationship
Comments: 3
Kudos: 152





	looking for love in the trash

**Author's Note:**

> Title is from 'Good as it Gets' by Little Hurt

**Abby:** _Can we talk?_

Buck stared blankly at the phone in his hands, unable to absorb the message that lit up the screen. He’d waited so long for a message like this from her, and to get it now… the universe was mocking him.

The shift had been brutal. They’d spent over four hours going through each and every train car, pulling out as many people as they could while walking past dozens of unmoving bodies. Buck was drained, mentally and physically,

The screen in his hand dimmed, leaving Buck staring at his darkened reflection as he tried to parse out the war of emotions that raged inside his chest. He didn’t need this right now. He just wanted to sleep.

“You good, Buck?” Hen’s voice broke through his thoughts and he jerked his head up to find her standing in the door of the locker room. She was staring at him, a knowing look on her face that made Buck wonder what Eddie and Bobby had told the others.

“Yeah, yeah.” He cleared his throat and hurriedly stowed his phone in his pocket. “Just tired, you know?” Hen gave him a sympathetic smile.

“I know.” Hen tapped the doorframe twice and turned to walk out. “Get some rest Buckaroo!” She called out over her shoulder, giving him a wave as she did so. Buck nodded and turned back to his locker, shoving the last of his stuff in his bag and slinging it over his shoulder.

Buck shut his locker and leaned his forehead against it, taking a second to try and calm down. The emotions crowded in his chest, making it hard for him to breathe. Anger, pain, longing, regret. In the end, exhaustion won out, and he straightened up. He wasn’t going to deal with that message right now. He could reply later. It wasn’t like she had ever been good at replying to him.

Buck let out a sigh and made his way out of the fire house, checking the other messages on his phone as he did so. There were a few unread texts from Maddie as well.

 **Maddie:** _That train crash sounds brutal_

 **Maddie:** _Please don’t do anything stupid_

 **Maddie:** _And text me when you make it back to your apartment_

He started typing out a reply as he walked into the parking lot.

“Buck.” Buck looked up to see Eddie hovering next to their cars - parked next to each other like they always were. His stomach sank at the expression on Eddie’s face.

“Oh, hey Eddie, I thought you were heading home?”

“I am. I just, uh, wanted to talk to you.” Normally talking to Eddie would make Buck feel better, but he was pretty sure he knew what Eddie wanted to talk about, and he really didn’t want to have that conversation.

“Look Eddie I-”

“Bobby wasn’t talking about Athena.” It was so far from the realm of what Buck had been expecting that all the words died in his throat.

“What?” He couldn’t help but ask. Eddie blew out a harsh breath and ran a hand through his hair.

“In the train, earlier. _‘Tired of standing on the other side of the hospital doors’_ ?” Eddie repeated what Bobby had said, and Buck felt his face flush. “He wasn’t talking about Athena. He was talking about you.” Buck looked at the ground. He knew that out of everyone connected to the 118, he had spent the most time in hospitals. It wasn’t his fault, he just seemed to be a danger magnet. But he never thought it mattered as much. Never thought _he_ mattered as much.

“Bobby cares about you. We all do. So just, cut him some slack.” Eddie said quietly. “And maybe try not risking your life doing dumb shit?” There was a smile in his voice, and Buck rolled his eyes fondly.

“Hate to break it to you Eddie, but it’s kinda our job to risk our lives doing dumb shit.” Buck said sarcastically. 

Eddie huffed out a laugh. “Yeah well you can at least be a little more careful while doing it. I- we all care about you. And you- you shouldn’t risk your life trying to save someone who doesn’t care how brave and selfless you are. That’s their loss.” Eddie cleared his throat. Buck was about to reply with another witty retort when Eddie continued. “I don’t want to have to explain to Chris why his favorite person isn’t coming home.” 

Buck froze as the words hit home, and he flinched involuntarily. “I know,” he said lowly. “I’m sorry. I just- I don’t mean to put my life at risk all the time but I- I can’t-”

“Help it?” Eddie finished for him, giving Buck a rueful smile. “I know. And I wouldn’t ask you to. But- maybe think about it next time? You have a lot of people who care about you.” Eddie held Bucks gaze for several long seconds before breaking off and clearing his throat. “At least when you aren’t being a dumbass.”

A small laugh bubbled up in Buck's chest, and the weight he had been feeling since he saw Abby eased. “I’m sorry I seem to recall you saying I was brave and selfless?” He asked, a shit eating grin on his face.

Eddie rolled his eyes. “Shut up.”


End file.
